No Regrets and Living Wild

As we were descending into Kathmandu, Nepal – tears filled my eyes from the moment I saw the Himalayas through the window. So grateful I had a window seat. A dream come true. From the beautiful – kind hearted people, and the energy of those mountains piercing right through me – to my heart. An experience I’ll never forget. And one day I’ll be back.

You can’t put a price tag on time. I’ve been saying this ever since I was young. And life continues to prove this to me. Time is something we can’t get back. Time is a precious gift and how we want to use – is up to us. Time is also a mind bend to me, as the years go by so seemingly fast. How does that happen I wonder, faster and faster each year?

Time is the very thing at times I’ve wished to get back. To have just one more second again with a loved one who passed. Or time to do certain things over again, where there was regret. This has been something I needed to process through to not have regrets. I have this surging energy life force within me to live fully, no matter what. And to live in a way without requiring anymore.

This wild heart has determination for change, to heal, to grow, to taste the sweetness of life, and be authentically myself. This has always been the driver of my life.

So I sought out on this big adventure always remembering – that this life is not only a gift but, a true miracle.

Though, there was a time I didn’t want to be here anymore. I was super young living in Oahu. The perfect place to be at that season of my life, to be held and soothed by Oahu and the authentic, beautiful, down to earth people. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be in this world. But, rather because of all the inner pain I had inside. And at the time I didn’t know how to process it all or regulate my nervous system all that well.

But then, one day there I came to this cross road. And it went like this to myself, “either do it, or fight like heck everyday to emerge out of the muck into the lotus flower and live.”

Live fully and free!!!! And never give up!

I of course chose to fight like heck everyday. Believing at my core and constantly reminding myself – until it just became part of me. That one day I will be happy and it will feel and be real. Frankly at that time I was just shooting for a moment, just a moment is all. I knew I was choosing willingly to go through the dark night of the soul. And I had no idea what that was going to look like. But, I had a mustard seed size of a believe that – one day – one day, it will be better, I’ll feel better, even for just moments. After all, life was given to me and what a shame to waste it. Right?

So off I went on a wild ride! Any regrets you ask? Nope!

My boyfriend at the time used to write me poems in his letters. And one time he wrote something that always stuck with me as it struck me then to my core. Simple but profound. He said “when you die and you see God, and he asks you how did you enjoy my world? What will you say, if you never experienced it.”

So From that day. I chose to always fight through whatever, no matter what. No matter how hard it gets. Somethings we can’t change. And most things we don’t have control over.

And one day just like that, things turned the corner to my pleasant elated surprise.

Running on the beach of the north shore, my usual routine. I guess that was something that regulated my nervous system some, I know this now. And a healthy self regulating tool in that. Always best to listen to our bodies. It was telling me to run, so I ran. Being in nature, and running seemed so easy to be in the moment. And who knew this mindfulness practice way of being would also be a powerful way to live. And to be able to obtain what my wild heart was in search for.

Back to that life changing moment on the beach running on the north shore.

I looked out at the clear blue sea, not particularly too far from shore when I saw a whale. And as he came up out of the water, it seemed he stalled for a second or so and looked at me. it really did seem longer than seconds. And maybe he wasn’t looking at me. I don’t even know if whales do that? But, his presence, that moment as I connected to the present tense taking it all in, it moved me. And in that moment, I felt real happiness and calm fill me. It was so encouraging, as I was waiting and believing for this moment to happen.

I believed it would at my core and it did.

So I stayed the course.

Funny, but not surprising at all that those are the kind of moments etched away within me now, and will be forever. Those special moments of really experiencing life and feeling alive.

So if there’s something calling you, find a way to do it, experience it. Big or small, here or there, it doesn’t matter. Whatever it is for you. I believe life is waiting for us!!! Life is waiting for you.

And the world is full with limitless possibilities.

So, until next time, keep smiling.