When life tests us. Is it a test? I’m not entirely sure on that fully but, I do believe we hit cross roads – pivotal points along the way in our lives with circumstances where choice is critical. And I have come to learn that in those moments we are faced with 3 choices. 3 choices we have control over choosing. And they are, choice to stay a victim, choice accept the circumstance, and or choice to change it. No, I’m not victim blaming at all. If you choose to read through this you’ll see what I’m conveying, is the opposite actually.
None of them are an easy choice in those moments when emotions are heightened, confusion, drawing from what we only know in those moments. But, knowing that one will self destruct and stunt us in our life from evolving and healing. And that is to stay a victim and numb it all out, escape from reality because the emotions, heartbreak, and confusion is just too big. Yes, it’s intense, and yes I get the urge to do this, I’ve been there. I’ve seen it destroy many who stay in this pattern. You don’t have to have all the answers in that moment. All you need is choice. To choose to believe you will come out of this – one way, one day. And to be open to learn how to and how to ask for help, to get the right kind of help. To refuse to just settle in a circumstance that is also destroying you. And that can be allowing unhealed past trauma to run your life. While the circumstances of that trauma is literally not currently happening right now but, it’s in your body and in your mind.
I’ve had my share of injustices, we all have. That’s part of this human experience, unfortunately. But, we can take back our power from that experience and learn, grow, – heal – ultimately change from it for the better.
If we want to see change in the world we have to be the change. It does start with us. My personal experience and listening to so many others share their stories has taught me this.
The accepting choice is definitely hard to do, to practice. Accepting reality of the circumstances that we may not have control over entirely and is hurting us. How people are that are related to us, people around us, people we are in relationships with for examples. We need to accept them for who they are today. But, acceptance doesn’t mean we don’t have boundaries with them. That we don’t protect ourselves from harm, stress. And I know you may know this about boundaries. That Boundaries is to protect ourselves and the relationship, not to control the other person. Accepting where you work may look like accepting the rules, accept how things are run, accept the people who you work with. Accepting is a necessary step. Accepting what is. By doing so we are then faced with what are we going to do about it. Stay or choose to leave. Regardless of that choice we are faced to work through some internal stuff within ourselves so acceptance can continue to be present. So we can attain and keep peace within and have the life we want . Acceptance isn’t necessarily something we choice one time and then all is good. It’s a process of moving through a lot of moving internal parts, continually., again, and again we choose it. There’s a lot of change though that may need to be done within ourselves for us to be able to accept. So we don’t get affecting by it and if we do we choose to accept again and again and process through it.
The choice to change looks like accepting the circumstances, not choosing to be victim but, realizing accepting won’t work. Realizing all the work you can do in yourself internally you are still affected by that person or circumstance and it’s affecting your mental health. So leaving is necessary. That may be for varies reasons. Maybe you try to stay and accept, like a career that you really enjoy but, it just takes too much out of you and is causing health issues and stress. So choosing to change it may be a process. And while in the process you will need to choose to accept it and remind yourself over and over again that it’s temporary. This is where your resilience comes in and having outside support. It won’t be easy and you may have many days of exhaustion and frustration. But, stay the course with your plan for change. And at times leaving has to be immediate for your wellbeing and safety. Seeking out resources to help you with this change is necessary.
We aren’t meant to just do everything on our own.
I’m passionate about conveying this, that we don’t need to be controlled in a circumstance that makes us unhappy and or harms us long term that affects our health and our life. As I mentioned sometimes change isn’t possible right away but, then the change has to come from within, so it doesn’t affect us. And if we can’t attain this we may need to find a way for change. And change doesn’t always look like how we want or envision. Our visions can be very limited to what could really unfold and come into fruition.
Like my friend who is battling cancer in her 30’s. It’s such a horrific, trying experience she’s going through right now. While she’s struggling with certain things of course, and is completely understandable. And she doesn’t have control that she has cancer. She has such strength, bravery, and grace while in the struggle. That’s a choice she makes again and again. It’s not necessarily black and white. It rarely is.
The choice. – One can accept the diagnosis, all the surgeries, treatments, life being interrupted, all the fear, fear of the outcome, the unknown. The grief of the reality that needs to be processed in which is happening and the lack of control of it. Grieving it to get to a place of acceptance is a choice. A brave one. Staying a victim here wouldn’t be a great choice – never is. As it would steal the strength and the courage needed to fight. To continue to enjoy life as many moments as possible through such a challenging circumstance. The opportunity for faith and relationships to grow during the battle of cancer. And all the choices for change is presented. The choice to ask for help, to get treatments, to be brave, to fight, to love, to let love and life in. To be brave and be with all the emotions allowing them to pass through and out the body. To accept the reality. To not give up. There’s so many daily choices.
So, we may not have control over most things in life but, we can control how we deal with it, In each moment, each circumstance, with the choices we make. We can choose to leave and make changes.
At times it’s hard to see all the choices. But, they are there.
Until next time, keep smiling.
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